tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.comments2023-04-16T06:50:58.424-07:00My walk with RADBrandy-new rad momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16312863176518999375noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-31633545003174798582013-09-22T09:41:19.987-07:002013-09-22T09:41:19.987-07:00i hope this blog is still going.i have felt for so...i hope this blog is still going.i have felt for so long.adopted a daughter at age of 2.<br />and its has been so rough.then she hit adolescence and<br />it got even worse. i am divorced from her father who lives in denial.i feel so<br />alone.like i dont care anymore, want to give up, dont want her living with me anymore.and i feel SO mean and horrible for saying this.a complete failure as a mom.im so exhausted.i found this blog at a very difficult time.shelbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00698019786448287624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-1265811592007599332012-05-21T15:15:22.013-07:002012-05-21T15:15:22.013-07:00how are you doing? you know--YOU.how are you doing? you know--YOU.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-81488656213797567362012-03-28T17:43:27.233-07:002012-03-28T17:43:27.233-07:00Hi new here. This is actually the FIRST thing I re...Hi new here. This is actually the FIRST thing I read (here) because I googled the p/a-RAD connection, so I was hoping for a bunch of "your just looking for an issue" comments... I was hoping everyone would say you were crazy; because then we'd both be crazy but happy(er) that our (new... well -ISH) kids certainly DON't HAVE RAD.<br />Hope that reading forward, I'll read that everything is sunshine and rainbows and you were nuts. If not... Best wishes to you and yours and thank you for sharing!!!MammaThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445676139842956757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-74226192311425543912012-02-14T12:56:58.137-08:002012-02-14T12:56:58.137-08:00I hear your pain and know the fear of a return fro...I hear your pain and know the fear of a return from RTC. Our transition has been better than I anticipated although it's not easy, not easy at all. Wonder how it's going for you? Keep blogging!Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127943882280906686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-47574817042372193152012-01-13T14:58:56.293-08:002012-01-13T14:58:56.293-08:00You're a tough chick....you can do this. Just ...You're a tough chick....you can do this. Just like I told Jennie, one breath...one step...one day at a time.beemommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08938594411342422060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-13034698416094811772012-01-12T14:05:45.201-08:002012-01-12T14:05:45.201-08:00Praying for you and your family.Praying for you and your family.Redeeming Hidden Treasureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04840189938315657166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-51979649946855804282012-01-06T11:23:43.319-08:002012-01-06T11:23:43.319-08:00What is bullshit is the state's ideas of throw...What is bullshit is the state's ideas of throwing out all training and trying something new just because THEY don't know what to do. I am so freakin' sorry.beemommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08938594411342422060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-22413642824553551672012-01-05T18:16:34.025-08:002012-01-05T18:16:34.025-08:00You are heard... and we understand.You are heard... and we understand.:)Dehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02125871958221599655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-3145970578892500342012-01-05T12:53:44.350-08:002012-01-05T12:53:44.350-08:00(((hugs))) No other words. Just hugs.(((hugs))) No other words. Just hugs.Last Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12381377825784945623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-9121337666588110522012-01-05T12:16:29.529-08:002012-01-05T12:16:29.529-08:00I am sorry you are walking this road. I think you ...I am sorry you are walking this road. I think you are stronger than you know, and you we revamp the whole system. I am also afraid you are not and you will drown in it. My love and prayers are with you.GB's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08866513131959998883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-49839838797633113782012-01-05T11:41:10.395-08:002012-01-05T11:41:10.395-08:00My heart is breaking for you and I feel completely...My heart is breaking for you and I feel completely inept in my ability to say anything of value to someone in such an awful and dark place. But I can say that I will pray for you and hope an answer comes. I can say that you are not alone, though it may feel like it, and I can say that your honesty will likely save at least one mom out there from feeing completely alone in HER own pain. Everything I'm typing seems so insufficient, but I wanted you to at least know that you are heard and that many hearts are leaning in towards you to offer some sliver of peace. God bless you and keep you.Kerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04886116438383281567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-58454763589814393522012-01-05T10:45:50.688-08:002012-01-05T10:45:50.688-08:00No words. Don't even have a clue what to say....No words. Don't even have a clue what to say...except I'm sorry this is happening. I'm walking the walk with you!<br /><br />Unforuntately, I too have seen this happen to more than one family, too. Way more than one. The problem is that they don't teach this stuff in college so NONE of the professionals know much about it. VERY frustrating!<br /><br />Sending love...and prayer...that's all I've got.Dianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08444891084585965661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-10308621183945193172012-01-05T09:33:18.728-08:002012-01-05T09:33:18.728-08:00What is it going to take for the "system"...What is it going to take for the "system" to see how truly damaged these kids are? For them to understand how much harm they do to everyone around them, emotionally and physically? Just how bad is it going to have to get for you before something REAL is done to help?Kristinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15401725929395230941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-14621049625865231342011-11-22T06:19:37.098-08:002011-11-22T06:19:37.098-08:00Will you begin posting again any time soon?Will you begin posting again any time soon?Oldqueen44https://www.blogger.com/profile/01461266627483920405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-40753958451450398872011-05-27T15:36:29.742-07:002011-05-27T15:36:29.742-07:00I don't know what else to say except I've ...I don't know what else to say except I've been there. Every word you wrote echoes with my heart. RTC, safety, hall monitor, prison. Yep, been there, done that. Hated it. Hated who I became. I want to be honest and say when I was where you are I didn't think it would ever get better. But 7 years later from putting our B in RTC I can say that there is hope. I see glimpses of me, moments of laughter. I still have 2 RAD kids, one healing and one empty as can be, as well as 2 bio kids. You know we've been through it all. You will be stronger. I want you to cling to that. You cannot go through this unchanged, but you will be stronger and there will be a brighter day. For all of you. Your other kids will process and heal, I just want to encourage you to let go what you cannot control. And honestly, that's probably most everything. I am sorry for the unknowns in your life. They will eat you up. Don't let them. You are not alone.Marty Waldenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07457166508208134485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-24253678662831428952011-05-27T12:37:47.806-07:002011-05-27T12:37:47.806-07:00May 10, we had a medical charter flight from the E...May 10, we had a medical charter flight from the ER here in NC to the RTC in FL where we have a 30 day hold with updates every 2 weeks after with a possibility of up to 6 months...I understand your raw feelings, I understand the turmoil....<br />*HUGS* *HUGS* <br />May you be surrounded with people that support, love and do not pass judgement.Anderson Crewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10181143580476849835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-88839592201177354582011-05-27T11:38:01.851-07:002011-05-27T11:38:01.851-07:00You tell 'em girl! I love you no matter what!!...You tell 'em girl! I love you no matter what!! From my limited view it seems to me you are doing everything you can & should. Take time to take care of you in this time!Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12436940857518345012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-1146015738753888262011-05-27T11:25:05.405-07:002011-05-27T11:25:05.405-07:00I hate dealing with the clueless too (so many of w...I hate dealing with the clueless too (so many of whom are in my family)! I haven't been reading your blog for long so I don't know your whole story but I know how difficult it is to consider treatment options and to feel that uncertainty. Glad you're getting the help your family needs.Mom to Three Spirited Kidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03954660242688377793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-55359383499043847782011-05-27T11:02:58.345-07:002011-05-27T11:02:58.345-07:00Getting your feeling out is good. I am so sorry th...Getting your feeling out is good. I am so sorry that many people are clueless. You are an awesome person and a great mother! I know you never planned on a RTC in your son's life. I had to make the same hard choice many years ago. The most important thing right now is to take care of yourself. Your friends will be waiting when you are ready to come back. As to the others, you don't need them in your life. It just isn't worth it. {{{Hugs}}}GB's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08866513131959998883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-36038611952638723662011-05-25T14:23:41.610-07:002011-05-25T14:23:41.610-07:00Nothing I can say of comfort except that #1, i'...Nothing I can say of comfort except that #1, i've been where you are and #2 I am praying for you this night in a very rainy and lonely Moscow. You are not alone. You are not alone.Kerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04886116438383281567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-77651216358991439312011-05-25T06:23:36.419-07:002011-05-25T06:23:36.419-07:00My heart breaks for you. You have done everything ...My heart breaks for you. You have done everything you can do on your own. RTC is just a different way of you still helping him. I want so badly to be able to fix this for you and I'm sure you wish someone could fix it too. One of the other awesome mommas once told me she had to learn how to love the RAD because it had kept her daughter "safe" (a relative term for sure)while she was in situations the mom could hardly fathom. In her situation (and everyone's is different), by hating the RAD she realized she was hating part of her daughter - a really vital part that had defined her. When she started making conscious effort to Love the RAD things started to change. <br />I know this is all just words and I'm not living your life. I can imagine how bad things are, but I don't really know. It's just what came to me as I read your post today. I love you. So many people love you. So many people that love you are getting what you are saying here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12436940857518345012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-41354541959512225502011-05-25T03:59:49.322-07:002011-05-25T03:59:49.322-07:00So sorry you are hurting so much. My child is ver...So sorry you are hurting so much. My child is very mild (HA!) in the grand spectrum of RAD and it is still absolutely exhausted. My heart goes out to you. (((hugs)))Last Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12381377825784945623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-79601701294511704522011-05-25T01:49:42.977-07:002011-05-25T01:49:42.977-07:00This is so hard! I am so sorry. I'm sure you&#...This is so hard! I am so sorry. I'm sure you've tried medication before, but if not, would you consider it and if so, would you consider talking to the clinical folks about making a change? I have dear friends whose 9 year old son has been wilding out for almost a whole year. I mean they've spent thousands on new glass doors, replacing all windows, televisions, ... and he's been threatening (pulling knives on parents, hiding weapons in his room, etc., etc.). They were on the road to hospitalization and they had his meds changed. It's all manageable again. There are some short term treatment programs that will take your child for one or two weeks while they work on finding the right meds. Just a thought.Mom to Three Spirited Kidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03954660242688377793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-20571684867218344882011-05-24T22:24:51.853-07:002011-05-24T22:24:51.853-07:00We don't know each other, but on the outside l...We don't know each other, but on the outside looking in, I can see how you've changed. I've read your blog for awhile now, and I can see how fractured you've become. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I know how hard you are trying to do what's best for your son. I don't know much about trauma parenting, but I don't think anyone would blame you for placing him in RTC. It sounds like you've done everything you can, and then some, and his disease is destroying your family. I'm sorry.schnitzelbankhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16353695238159527112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6830052562543113528.post-36106474844094802372011-05-24T21:31:10.506-07:002011-05-24T21:31:10.506-07:00Did I say you could write this stuff about me? &#...Did I say you could write this stuff about me? 'Cause RAD has so seriously screwed me that I don't remember anymore whether I gave you permission or not. But you did write everything that's been in my head. <br /><br />CRAP I hate RAD, too. I hate what it does to my kids, to me, to our family, to our life!! Nothing in life is normal anymore. Nothing. I don't even remember how normal people live anymore. And they stuff they talk about is so stinking trite that I can't even stomach it. It actually makes me crazy to listen to it. Who freaking cares about sports scores or what's on sale at Dillards or where you're going on vacation. I'm a whole lot more concerned about making sure my family doesn't implode or my house explode.<br /><br />And of course, with summer approaching and the kids being home and in my face all the time, I not only get to deal with their crap, I get to brace for even more "you need to do this and this and this and this. Your job isn't to fix your house or save everyone else. It's to be a mom to your kids. It's to make sure the laundry is done and meals are prepared on time because every kid acts better when they have a belly full of warm food that was lovingly prepared for them. But make sure you keep a wall up so they don't hurt you!" "Huh? Have you EVER parented trauma??? Do you really think I haven't tried all that stuff?? Do you have any idea what will happen if I try it your way??" But no..I just get more of the same "You have to do things this way. Your kids need to go to this club or that. They need to socialize with other kids more. You need to cut them some slack and just let them be kids! YOU NEED A BREAK!!! Can I watch your kids for you while you take a break?" "No, thank you. You may not watch my kids. They will charm the socks off you and will eat me alive when they come home. It will make things exponentially worse for our family. But feel free to pull the weeds in my yard that I can't keep up with or wash my windows that are so dirty I can't see out of them or clean my disgusting kitchen that I can't stay on top of either." And all I get in return is crickets chirping.<br /><br />On a different note, though, regarding therapy, It became very clear very fast that trauma therapy (play therapy specifically), not attachment therapy was the way to go. Until they were able to clear out some of that emotional space by being able to process some of the trauma (even on a superficial level), they didn't have any available emotional space for attachment. None! And the more we tried to push it, the harder they pushed back. Putting them on meds for ADD/ADHD also helped a TON! They were so constantly wired that they couldn't focus on anything else. Life was all about running and jumping and bumping and thumping and yah, humping, too. And really, who wants to bond with someone who's contantly telling them to knock it off and shut up??Dianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08444891084585965661noreply@blogger.com