IMPOSSIBLE! Every book I have read tells me this takes months, years even to see signs of healing. I am going to defer to the experts on this but newsflash people my RAD has shown signs of healing! I don't want to get too excited or seriously alert the media because I am scared this is some big joke being played on me....maybe if I ignore it or be very very quiet the healing will continue...
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SHHHHHHH....
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All laughing aside we had a pretty significant breakthrough this weekend. For those of you just starting to read my journey I have a RAD (through adoption) that has been exposed to things that your worst nightmares are made of. One of the issues is sexual acting out. This post may get a little graphic so for those of you with week dispositions, please close your browser now.
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My RAD was sexually molested and has seen sexual acts more times than anyone knows. The problem is that he has seen things or had things done to him that literally No. Body. Knows. The hard part is you never know where things are coming from. I have seen him do things or attempt to do things that I know were him acting out and I have to be very careful. We never leaves the kids alone. We just don't. Safety is the #1 priority. The acting out has been minor towards siblings and nothing to get too freaked out about but the acting out towards animals is a different story. Animals are poor defenseless creatures. They make excellent targets for RAD. A few weeks ago my RAD was caught touching an animal in a very inappropriate way. Although we have been discussing the difference between appropriate touches and inappropriate touches, it did not seem to register with him and he could care less. He was not aloud to touch an animal in our house for a long time. No petting, no licking, no playing, nothing. He was not able to get joy from our furry friends while he was unable to control himself. Honestly, I was pissed and a little freaked out by his actions. Disgusted.
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This brings me to the present. We had a friends' dog staying the night while her family was out of town. Obviously it was exciting having another dog and the kids were all giggles. RAD was doing great around the dogs including the sleepover dog. However, as you all know, the goodness stopped when he had too much fun. He attempted to touch a dog in an inappropriate way again. He was caught. We gave him a chance to explain what he was trying to or thinking of doing. It was like pulling teeth at first. I turned on the safe super mommy charm and discussed touches and helping him get through this. He asked me for help. He said he couldn't stop and didn't know how. He asked for help! DID YOU HEAR ME? My RAD actually asked me to help him with his urges. I was blown away. We are not supposed to have this kind of progress this early! Especially about something that is so sensitive of a subject.
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I feel like that little outreach was headline worthy. It is a huge step for our RAD. He has identified and admitted he has a problem he can't control AND he has asked for help.
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Lord, please do not let me mess this up.
This could be the start of some serious healing for him if I do it right!
It actually HAS been months since you dove into this head on (think of how long you and I have been chatting back and forth). You are seeing actual signs because you are doing the work, you have created an environment that makes it easier to succeed, you have built a support network, and even though you need to pace yourself and give yourself breaks, you refuse to give up hope!
ReplyDeleteYou will continue to see it. You will also continue to see bouts of regression. Part of the process. Some of it "sticking" will take much, much longer - but absolutely CELEBRATE these moments. They are the pieces to the puzzle. WHOOOOOOOOOOP!
What he did, asking for help. OMG - HUGE!!!!!!!!!!
You are doing an amazing job. Just remember it's not all on your shoulders. If you screw up one little thing there's always tomorrow and the next day and the next. What your child will learn most is that you're there for the long haul. I'm just so thrilled you recognize the progress being made, the little things that are actually huge. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. After he asked and he went to bed I sat on my bed looking at my husband perplexed. Neither of us could speak. We just shook our heads smiling.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the support!
Brandy, what an amazing leap forward. Yes, I know, I know ( as only a fellow RAD mom does) that he may now take several leaps backwards, but...
ReplyDeleteHe did it! He asked for help! I remember when my daughter started asking for help, and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. This is wonderful news. Our kids CAN and DO heal. My daughter is a living witness to this fact! Your post made my day...
That is wonderful news! I think here we take 4 steps forward and 2 steps back each time. I refuse to be discouraged by the 2 steps back, because the math to that is still positive 2! You are doing great! Keep it up!
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