Ok so I am not a professional here. Most people reading my blogs are not either. So tell me WHY do I have to constantly explain what RAD is to the pros? I know it is not a secretive disease and it is not like I don't precede my meetings with documents, letters, articles and info before we chat about my son. So, I can pic up a psych manual and you can't?
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I know I am ranting. I am pretty mad. I felt like I had a good handle on the meeting that I was supposed to have with my son's school. I prepared early. I sent detailed information to make sure everyone at the table was "on the same page". No dice. They looked at me like I possessed a third eye ball. Shame on me for not taking Diane's suggestion and draw them a picture book to make it easier for them to "get it". (can you actually feel the sarcasm dripping from my words?-I am fuming). Diane, one day we will meet and you are more than welcome to give me an I told you so :)
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So the meeting was a wash. I still have not gotten the services that my son needs in the school system. It is simple people. Just test him. Here I have already taken the liberty to do it for you on my penny. You can cheat using mine. I understand you have to perform your own tests because clearly the one that I have is not good enough for your school. I am sorry I employed a doc with I don't know PhD's in like 15 areas. I know her test is not the standard of yours.
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Ok in all seriousness I am mad but I am working through it. I get flustered when I feel like I have to give the same people every year a new recap on what my son's issues are. These are not normal people. They are school county psychologists. I believe I could out-test them and take their license. Every year, same dance, mostly the same people. The only person in the room that I had their undivided attention was the new teacher. God please keep her safe. She was a great lady but she is going to have a tough year. She is up for the challenge but I can tell she is scared. Not good teacher. Don't show fear, please! She remembered my son from last year (despite the fact we are at a new school). She didn't say it in a "I am excited he is in my class" sorta way.
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He has already started to act out in class though not too bad. He will though. Give it time. He still "likes" everyone. He has only seen the principal 4 times this year...so far. I hate sounding like the crazy one trying to make sure they understand but hey I have to keep everyone safe don't I? I do it at home. I take it VERY serious. I can't help them at school. I hope they take what I said yesterday serious. I worry constantly that he will harm another child at school. I can't stop him. Sometimes I wonder if I am being irresponsible by not home schooling him. Honestly I don't see how you other moms do it. Even though I work full time, school is my ONLY respite.
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I wish RAD had the same awareness as autism. I have been asked several times. "Oh is RAD like a form of autism?" Uh, no sweetheart it is not. I guess autism got it's awareness by people like us though, right? Moms trying to find ways to help their kids? Maybe we can do the same for RAD. At the very least make sure school officials and therapists know what RAD really is. Not the textbook versions, the real kids. Sounds like a pipe dream but just maybe...
I'm sorry. I had to chuckle a little bc I do have 5 on the autism spectrum. I also have a tiny one with Down Syndrome. When you tell people that they have those things then they do get an idea, though often still not reality. Whe I tell them they have RAD or someone sees it on a paper then they think of "Reactive Airway Disease" more often than Reactive Attachment Disease. One of the main reasons I do my blog is for people to see the real picture of RAD as well as the reality of how normal autism and Down Syndrome really are. Opposite reasons I guess. lol Hang in there and we can all keep educating people. Maybe someday people will get it. Maybe . . . .
ReplyDeleteOh yah, I get SOOOO sick of it!! Even the teachers have to take a fair amount of psychology and child development classes in order to get their teaching licenses. And yet we still have to explain it over and over and over again. It gets very infuriating!
ReplyDeleteThere will be no "I told you so!" from here. I completely realize that not everything that works for me will work for everyone else. In all honesty, effective as it was, the book I put together for my little guy was a BEAR. Not everyone has the time or quite frankly, the sanity or emotional stamina to put something like that together. And, I still have to finish one for my other son sometime this week! Thankfully, I'm using the same template and it won't take nearly as long.
The reason I ultimately did it was because I've had my share of washout meetings. This year I NEEDED them to listen. My little guy is very unstable and there's no predicting what he might do. Like you, I spend a lot of time worrying about what he's going to do and who he's going to hurt. What I have learned over the past few years and many school meetings, though, is that no matter what it takes, the sooner you can find a way get them to listen and DO something about it, even if it means calling in the circus in order to get them to pay attention, the sooner they can wise up to the ways of our kids AND put stops in place that will protect everyone.
But, until THEY see the need to do that, they won't. Nor will they do anything different than what they are used to doing that may or may not necessarily work with all the rest of the kids. Reality is the schools are dealing with hundreds of kids. Some are special needs, some are stellar, some have no parental involvment, and some come from highly disfuctional families that are currently riddled with poverty, neglect, and abuse of all kinds.
Sadly, the schools in general don't do what they do because it's effective. They do it because it's easy and it make sthem "feel" like they doing something productive. Most of the time, though, I don't even think they pay attention to whether or not what THEY are doing is or isn't working. After all, they are the adults and what they say goes and if the kid doesn't comply, it's the kids or the parents problem.
So, what I will say, is that even if this first meeeting was a wash, don't assume it's too late. It's not. You haven't had your last school meeting. If you didn't have time to do a picture presentation or whatever else might work, start now, get it ready, and use it for your next meeting. You don't have to wait for the school to call a meeting, either. You as a parent have a right to call these meetings any time you want and for any reason you want. It's perfectly ok to call a meeting and be upfront with them. "Look, people. I don't feel like you're getting it. I don't feel like you're getting how serious and dangerous this situation can be. Someone is going to get hurt if you don't wake up! And so, today, I want to try things from a different angle."
Brandi,
ReplyDeleteI might (just might) be able to top this! We just got back from foster parent TRAINING on "helping traumatized children" and the presenter/trainer didn't even know what RAD stood for! aughh! nice.
Nice to "meet" you. I just found Christine's videos and found them to be funny and helpful. We have 9 kids who have all had or have some degree of RAD. Most of them have mostly found healing. In all honesty, I do think homeschooling them and having them w/ me all day every day has helped - but it is REALLY exhausting! I know N.T. says not to homeschool, but for us, it is the consistent boundary they have needed that eventually leads to them feeling safe enough to really trust.
I'd love for you to check out my blog (although I don't post nearly as much as I would like to) so we can sort of get to know each other a little. I would love to encourage you in any way I can!
Jen
Thanks Ladies for the comments. I know that everyone here has had school issues. Diane-you are truly an inspiration with your ideas and tips. I love reading your blog and snatching some ideas:)
ReplyDeleteLoving the mommy life-thank you. I hope there was no offense to the autsim comment. I thought about adding a disclaimer after I posted the blog. No disrespect. We have had autistic kids in our home and from the ones we have seen our RAD is on the opposite side of the planet. I just want the awareness out there. Which brings me to my next comment...
Jen-I should be shocked at your post. We all should be. I would love to say I could't believe that the foster system would be clueless. Your post is so sad. So clueless! We are preparing to adopt again, older child adoption and we were presented with children that I know hands down are RAD to the ninth degree and the case worker just laughed at me "umm well yes all the children have issues. you can handle it" Personally, I wanted to choke her :) I was speaking greek to her when I told her about rad. I will definetly check out your blog. I found Christine too and that is how I started my blog and my support groups :) Love me some Christine!
"I guess autism got it's awareness by people like us though, right?"
ReplyDeleteRIGHT! Keep on keeping on momma! Educate as many as are willing to listen!
My husband and I sought counseling to cope with our adultRADkids "season of entering adulthood" outlash against us.
Our counselor was compassionate and diligent. She'd compare what I told her about RAD to her resources. She'd study more and more the more. She told me I spoke of the condition with the expertise of a professional.
Meanwhile our RAD-young-adult-adoptees are receiving "counsel" from an ignorant unethical LMHC and his patient/client/mentee/student-counselor(being groomed to take over his practice when he dies of impending cancer)
That ignorant-yet-arrogant LMHC already has a very serious state reprimand for unethical behavior in a totally unrelated case.
He is advising our adoptees and their "rescuing enablers" (the people playing "new mommy and daddy" to our now 18 and 22 year old RADs) that the fact that my husband and I would "make up, and assert" that these "well adjusted young adults" would have such a "horrible condition" is only evidence of how abusive we must have been to those poor souls while they were in our care.
And "SEE?" supposedly these ignorant counselees have been led by their ignorant counselor to believe as "further prove" that our "well adjusted adoptees" are so mentally and emotionally healthy and strong, they have had no contact with us in over a year, They, as adults have "adopted" new mommies and daddies, and see? They remain "very well adjusted."
I am so on the same page with you! It is exhausting and so irritating that we are trying to not only protect our own children but others as well, FROM our children - to have the school not really listen! I have 2 RAD kiddos and my oldest, he is old enough that they will call the police. They won't call me that he is in the principle's office for stealing or worse, they will call the police but they won't listen to me when I want to take steps to prevent such situations. Let's just wait and see if the kid is crazy, but we are betting it's the mom...
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