It has been awhile since I have posted. Guess this will be an update of sorts post. Things have been crazy. Well they are always crazy but the last few weeks have been a little more than the normal crazy. Hmmm feel little crazy just saying that. Point is...things are a changing in our house! We have been moving meds and moving symptoms. Food hoarding and gorging are on a serious rampage. I mean really kid "where are you gonna pack that food. Well his belly mom." My RAD has gained approx 15 lbs in about 30 days! You heard me!! 15lbs on my 8 year old that I was barely able to hold down before he gained weight. Well he now knows "I am bigger than mom now." You should have seen his grin when he figured it out. His meds were changed for whatever the heck reason I don't know. I want to go back to where we were. Doc says he hallucinates visually and audibly on the ADHD meds. Newsflash. He hallucinated before the meds, after the meds, after taking him off the meds. Only difference is the meds kept his weight and temperament in check. Watch out cause I am starting the Niacin Challenge! Now we eat and spin and spin and eat. Faster and fast and fast and faster! Seriously a dog chasing his tail. We spin non-stop! I know it is a regulation thing and he is doing it to calm himself but it never stops.
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Minor issues I know. By far NOT the entire insanity we have had but I don't even feel like sharing some of the more colorful moments.. Sometimes you just want to forget things happened or that your child did or said certain things. Sadly, everyone reading this is probably shaking their head right now.
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I am on an insane roller coaster. parenting is moving and morphing into something a bit different. We have had days where RAD seems to want to be a part of the family and it is almost robotic in his actions. I still can not tell if he is doing these things because he wants to be with us or if it is because he sees the other children doing family things and he is mimicking them. I don't know but I should just close my mouth and be grateful. I try. Really I do. Then the melt. The melts are quick, they are frequent. They are brutal. Now that he is bigger he is going to start doing some serious damage. He already has a bare room. What more can you damage? Ahh mom the walls! The carpet. You left me so many things to destroy. I am smarter than you.
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The looks and the evil "I hate you plots" get old after awhile. I don't know that my guard is going down more or that I am just better at coping with everything. It is becoming routine. We have been on this RAD waltz since April. Does not seem like very long in the scheme of my other RAD mom friends but I guess it is long enough to find my little quirky nirvana in the midst of it all. I was told I would "get it" and it would start coming to me. Guess the moms before me were right. IT is not a feeling of not caring it is more like a resolve that this is my life. I can do this. I am happy. I will make this work. Nothing one traumatized child throws at me is going to break me. In the process we may even be able to help him fix himself.
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That is the real crap of it. He has to WANT to fix himself one day. He has to WANT to be like other kids. "HE" I repeat that to myself all the time. "HE" not "ME". Hard concept. I am still working on it.
More later.
I am not shaking my head. I live it,too. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Two of my RADs had been doing better, but blew it today bc they knew we were going to visit my grandparents. I really would have like to choke them, but I had to act like I didn't care.
ReplyDeleteThey do have to want it. One of my RADishes that is showing progress has been with us for 4 years! The other has been here for almost 3 years! I can't believe it has taken this long to get to even this point.
You can do the right thing, but you can't make them do the right thing. Hang on and keep plugging along. You are being prayed for right now.