Ok this is a quick post but I had to post it. I am transcribing an email exchange between my Radish's teacher and I. Your comments are welcome.
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Ms. Teacher:
I forgot to put a note in W's backpack so I though I would email you instead. Over the Labor Day holiday we had a back to school pool party bash. The kids (all 15 of them) decided that listening to parents was overrated and ran near the pool (again). W was wearing goggles and started to run. Before I could get it out he slammed into another kid head first. Hence the black eye. We tried everything we could to stop the swelling and avoid a big black mark but being that the goggles dub into the skin of the eye that he had surgery on and the tissue is already sensitive, you get the idea. Wanted to make sure you were aware of this. Please call me if you have any questions.
Thanks,
Brandy
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Teacher's response (exactly):
Thank you-that matches what he told me :)
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I took this wrong because my first thought was really? Well what if it did not match? This is the first time we have had an episode and RAD did not lie to get one up on someone. I know he is not particularly fond of his teacher but he didn't lie. That's the good part. Bad part is what if he did? He has before that's for sure! He had one teacher convinced I did not feed him or let him shower!
Thoughts?
Him not lying is a good thing! I understand why you worry that it seems as if she was questioning him though. Try to dwell on the positive though. lol
ReplyDeletehomeschool.
ReplyDeletereally, that is my only advice.
OR, at the very least, document well and have others who know the truth. There is a HUGE agenda out there to have our children all basically belong to the state (hence the CRAZY statement from this teacher!). They don't belong to the state, nor should they!
I say this as a parent of 9 RAD adopted children and also as a foster parent who has seen the "system" at work.
double the homeschool, but only if you are able to handle 24/7 all kiddo all day... it's not all it's cracked up to be (unless you count the crack in your skull from banging your head into the wall from RAD)...
ReplyDeleteFor preschool, we "told on" the teacher every.single.time.she.made.an.accusation. (by calling him and his aide.)
"mr J said I couldn't have milk today, I had to have water but everybody else had milk". CALL! (Sunshine wanted water. She got water. She would.mot.have.milk. and we are not legally permitted to force a child to consume milk if they don't want it.)
"Mr J made me stand in the corner in front of everyone while everybody got to go to recess". (obviously bs -inconsistent scenario-, but...) CALL! (we do not use "the corner". if child misbehaves, they fix it by saying sorry or picking up the item(s) and if it continues they stand by the teacher until they start behaving)
"Ms J said that I was gonna get a spanking". CAAALLLL. (we.do.not.hit.ever. the school would be shut down, this is why we have at least two adults in the room at all times and windows between the classrooms.)
Every incident had to receive a an "incident report" with the caseworker because it was pre-adoption, and she called and checked in too...And so on. After a while it was just accepted that Sunshine lies and manipulates the truth like a cult leader and it's always best to check in with adults.
We're still bashing our head into the wall. I mean, We're homeschooling this year!
Oh, STINK!! Talk about triggering!!! Holy crumpets, Batmam...this post made my blood BOIL like no other I've read. Apparently I'm still not over it.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, I know exactly what that comment from teacher means. BTDT. All teachers are manditory reporters for suspected child abuse. If they see something amiss, they have to report it to the authorities. And of course, the children are always right and will NEVER lie to or attempt to charm the socks off teacher, especially if she has already been informed about RAD and "works with dozens of traumatized kids all the time and knows all about them and what they do." (cough, sputter, gag!!) Nope...these precious angel children just aren't capapble of such caniving behavior. (COUGH, SPUTTER, GAG!!!!)
So here's my story. My kid tried to pull his own face off one night. I hadn't clipped his nails. He went to school looking like he'd been in a cat fight. I told teacher exactly what happened. The police still showed up at my door the next day WITH two DCFS agents in tow. DCFS agents made me wake my son up from a nap and took close up pictures of his face. They then launched a full investigation.
This was, of course, about 2 weeks after I found out about my first reporting, which was from a do-gooder who saw me exiting Walmart and marching my kids out to the van while giving them a tongue lashing they wouldn't soon forget (and haven't!) And why was I doing this? Because they were supposed to be going to the bathroom, but instead ran off in the store and I couldn't find them. I was late for an appointment and CRAZY stressed by everything. This was about 8 months after we broght them home, I didn't find out about this reporting until 4.5 MONTHS later when I got pulled over for a traffic violation and the police showed up at my door the next day. Apparently something connected to my license place was tripped in their system.
I raked them over the coals BIG TIME over that one, too. Under NO circumstances is it ever appropriate to take 4.5 months to follow up on any possible abuse case. I also made it pointedly clear that had this been a real situation and my kids really were in danger, 4.5 minutes might be too long. I also told them exactly what was up and what help we had, yada yada yada. That help included a lot of support from DCFS who already know all about our case.
Guess what...the same officer responded to both reports. The second time he brought the DCFS agents along with him BECAUSE THEY HAD NO RECORD with us ever working with DCFS. Are you fricken serious??? There are plently of records. At the very least, I had to sign in to every support meeting I attended and sign non-disclosures every time. The reason the police and case workers couldn't find the records is because DCFS is like any other government agency and the different departments apparently don't talk to each other or share records...which I might add as we approach such a lovely anniversary in our country, that this also what ultimately allowed 9/11 to happen.
Gratefully, our investigated case was eventually closed and dismissed with no supporting evidence of abuse. I knew all along that we'd clear it and I was completely upfront and cooperative with them all along. But, OH MY @#$% was it ever stressful!! I didn't realize just HOW stressful it was until we were finally able to put the load down.
Teacher never really did figure out why we didn't have such a great year or why we were rather chilly towards her and the principal who backed her up. Well, I shouldn't say that. She did finally get to see a full blown rage and it's after-effect of COMPLETE emotional shutdown during the spring parent-teacher conferences. We were supposed to have her again the next year, but shucky darn...we moved.
Stupid blogger. More to follow...
Since that lovely reporting a couple years ago, my older son has been questioned at school from marks left from my sweater during a necessary restraint. They were checked out by the principal after he heard my story. The marks matched what I told the principal and he never questioned my son. We already had this principal on our side by then. No action was taken. My daughter has also been questioned by her teacher because my most RADical slammed her into a door jam and split her lip and gave her a black eye. No action was taken. Sadly, there's nothing they can do when the perpetrator is a 5 year old...and nor do they even have a clue as to how to approach or respond to those types of situations.
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest reason there was no action taken with that one, though, is because by now, we're pretty wise to these things. We spent a lot of time really prepped our daughter for teacher's inquisition and what the most appropriate responses would be. Above anything, our daughter was EXTREMELY grateful for the prep session. She went to school knowing her teacher would ask about it and how she could tell the truth and share her feelings about it without tripping another investigation. Unfortunatley, even at the tender age of 10, she also knows full well that there's nothing the police or DCFS can do to help her brother or her family, so it's best just not to make waves.
And then there's my happy cop calling dear neighbor who is also a manditory reporter because of his previous involvment in law enforcement. But rather than investigating or trying to understand, even though we've tried to explain, they just "do their duty", cover their own hind ends, gossip to the rest of the neighbors, and call the cops and let them deal with it. Thus we are now voluntary participants in the DCFS family preservation program. :-)
Sorry for the downer. But at least now you know. RAD sucks!!