Last day of school for my 3 boys! What an exciting and scary time. Exciting for my 2 non RADs as they are stoked about the summer, sleeping in and the cool stuff they get to do. We have no major plans (that I will disclose to the family) as of yet. My RAD on the other hand, hyper vigilant! WOW he is not quite as excited about summer as the rest are. I think there are too many questions about what the days will look like, what will I do, where will we go, etc. He does not like being "Not in the Know". Our days ahead will be filled with questions. "where we going?" "what are we doing?" "why can't we do this? "why can't we do that" You get the picture. The unknown is scary for him.
The other side is that due to his recent trauma induced self multilating habits, he has eliminated one of his favorite things to do, swimming. Yup mean ol' doctor and mean ol' mom say no swimming until he is all healed. (this really stinks for me because swimming was a good exercise, fun and wore him out a little bit-crap--now what!)
Off to new adventures and time for mom to get real creative with some fun activities that don't break the bank or the spirit. Any ideas from the crowd is greatly appreciated.
Update on our progress:
We have worked very hard in the last few weeks on touching. I am sure that at some point most or all of you who are reading this have found that touching is hard to do. All of the literature says touch, touch and touch again to build that bond. However, a spun up Radlet makes for hard times when you are trying to touch them and build a bond. In therapy last night we worked on a few games that involved touch but were unsuccessful. Touch is still very hard to deal with and he is not ready for the attempt. I will keep trying. I am still pretending to be in Christine's Challenge like my life depends on it. HUGS all day, everyday! I am going to continue to operate that way until I die. If a hug is all I ever get than so be it. At least I was able to get that much and be proud of myself.
One thing we did learn that is important to note is all of the things I do for my RAD to take care of him and keep him safe, i.e. cleaning wounds, fixing boo-boos, etc; he forgets! He doesn't remember mommy taking care of him. All he can remember at this point is his bad mom and bad things happening. It was a little depressing to hear him say that he didn't remember mommy bandaging his wounds last night or helping him with a task but again this all goes back to the trauma. The trauma in my son's little brain is overwhelming and takes so much from him. He loses so much joy, fun and interaction with life. I hate it and my control freak nature wants it gone. I demand it gone! And yet, I can't fix it. This used to leave me feeling hopeless at times but now I have pushed past that and consider it my own challenge.
You can't fix it, but you can be there to help heal it and walk him along. I have been practicing being the quiet supporter. It is almost like the poem "Footprints". (although I am not God, lol) Similar deal though, I walk with him, everyday, my footprints right next to him in the sand, I don't say much, I am just there, when he sees only one set of prints it was the parts of his trauma that I was able to carry him along. The quiet supporter, think about it. How often do we close our lips and open our ears? I am guilty of not listening like I should (more than you know!). The last few days I have taken a step back and again, listened to my good friend Christine Moers (please, please go watch her youtube channel, it was funny, informative, and eye opener and got me through a really rough spat). She told me to shut my mouth and open my ears. She's right. I have heard more in the last few days from my RAD than I have in the last almost 2 years. I am starting to slowly see how his brain is wired. Although I am not able to fix it, I can better understand it. Understanding what is there gives me a chance to learn, grow and figure out ways to battle it.
Surround yourself with positive people. Blog, email, chat, find a friend, whatever, dump your brain and get stuff off your chest....but remember to leave a positive tune and when the dumping is gone, let it be truly gone. Misery loves company and the last thing we RAD moms (and dads) need is more misery.
My new best friend is the Denise Best manual for success. It is called Creating Loving Families. I encourage you to take a look and get this manual. My entire support group has now read the manual and it has some great one-liners to help in times of RADical moments!
Stay strong!
No comments:
Post a Comment