Attention! Attention! Attention! RAD is speaking! Guess what....if you don't respond soon enough I will die!
That would be the current montra in our house. RAD demands attention, when you give it, they don't exactly want it, they just want control over you. Perfect examples are food, potty, activity, boredom, etc. (I will elaborate further)
I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I work full time and have 3 boys (1 RAD). I don't have a choice. Don't get me wrong I love my job and in some ways I think I have it easier than you stay at home moms because I do get a few hours a day to focus on something other than my roller coaster life at home. I have a Nanny for my kids, YUP a NANNY! Go on, hate me now. She is awesome and she is on MY TEAM! I tried the daycare dance and afterschool care pre-diagnosis. It didn't work. Daycare was the perfect enviroment for triangulation (although I didn't know it at the time). My favorite part of daycare was workers getting minimum wage with no physch degree telling me that my child putting paint on his hand was a cry for love that he obviously was not getting at home. (That is just one example). Doesn't matter that my little sweet RAD was a master (and still is) at manipulation. After a few months of being called in from work 2, 3, 4, 5 times a week to come get my child and having a daycare worker tell me about how horrible my child must have it at home I broke! I didn't think I could afford anything else but I was going to try! We were in therapy full time (diagnosis ranging from ADHD to bi-polar to schiscophrenia), the adoption had just went through....I looked them straight in the eye and demanded they call Child Protection but be sure you give them my last name and wait for them to laugh at you and hang up. LOL, sure enough...the Child Protection did just that, nothing. They knew me. I made a lot of noise once the adoption was final and we started having SERIOUS issues that were undisclosed during adoption and getting no help. I wanted help and services and anything I could get my hands on to care for my child and heal his emotional wounds. Nowadays I do it almost alone. I have changed therapy (which I provide not the State) and I have this awesome Nanny. Point of the story? GET HELP! Get help you can trust! Dial your spouse in and make sure the people that help you care for your RAD are on the same page. You are going to screw up at some point, we all do. Trust in the people that are there riding the tidal wave with you is key.
I come home many times to a serious fitting RAD demading food because his nanny would not feed him. I know she fed him, I know she did her job, I trust her and I know it is about control and attention.
These kids will use whatever they can so just be prepared and stay on your toes. Best defense is a great offense. We (hubby, Nannny and I) literally sit around and chat and "make crap up" we make all kinds of things up to throw RAD off of its game. Structered parenting but never the same.
Back to the topic. RAD demands attention. Don't forget that simple functions, going to the bathroom, eating, etc are serious for a RAD and if they don't get it right away they do think they are going to die. It's like a baby's wail for food or changing, they don't know yet that they won't die if they don't get cared for. You show them that with time. Same thing for a RAD. A need that is to be met is certain death if it is not done right away. You have to show them they won't die and still meet the need but on your terms.
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