Rage is scary and it is unpredictable.

I want to share some of our most recent experiences. We have some good, some bad and some I thought an adult was going to "check out" and join the circus. (Believe me I have considered joining the circus).

I read a blog this morning that outlined a family that was reported to law enforcement when their RAD went into a rage. Mrs. Diana my heart goes out to you. Sadly a lot of us have been there and continue to prepare our lives to compact cops, DCFS investigations, etc. It is the nature of the disease I am being told. (please read the link to her story and pray for her family)

Me personally? I am lucky. My neighbors know the drill. They all knew my RAD was different but didn't know how. They never stared, never asked, just waited. After the diagnosis the hubby and I took turns with different neighbors and told them the truth and what to expect. You see I have a RAD that hurts people when he is hurting. There have been times that my other children have fled the house and run to the safety of the neighbor (hence why I told the neighbors and developed a plan). No questions asked. I tell the kids to go visit their friend and its off to the neighbors they go. They are always welcomed open-armed and come home when all is calm. Thankfully we have only had to use this plan a few times but it is there when we need it. Everything about our family is designed around SAFETY. (here is a tip to help you develop a plan)

Have you ever seen a child go from calm and collective to a raging lunatic? I have. My poor hubby (man I love him) gave me a night with my girlfriend. I never get a break and he saw the last minute opportunity for me to refill my happy and he snatched it. He had to take 2 of the 3 children on a short road trip (1.5 hours each way). Everything started off good, kids in the back of the truck, happy talking, playing road games (dad invented), etc. In the blink of an eye our RAD went nuts! My husband had to remove our younger son from the back of the truck and place him upfront (I know this is against the law but come on cop, pull us over, maybe handcuffs will keep our RAD from trying to kill his little brother). This is the first time my husband has had to deal with that level of rage directed towards a sibling. (normally it is just me) I am sorry that was how he had to witness it but he did really good. He did not have me there to keep him clam or offer advice. He had to therapeutic parent on his own. When it was all done he said he felt he did real good and maybe having to do it alone was what he needed to get a little more confidence in his therapeutic parenting skills. (congrats honey, you are amazing!)

The rage inside is building. He is only 8 but we can see a definite increase in the rage. We avoid the battles at all costs but it doesn't matter. You can do something as simple as walk by him and he turns into an animal. Other times you can go up to him and hug him and he allows it and maybe hugs you back. I thought I knew all of his cues. I can look across the room and tell you the minute you better pay attention because my RAD is about to break loose but lately, he is raging so spontaneous. There are no clues, no triggers....I will post more if I figure it out.

Screaming:

For hours on end! This has always been my RAD's way of dealing with things. Getting him to stop is not going to happen to don't try. He loves to get right in your face and scream as loud as he can. Lately the language gets more colorful (sometimes funny to hear an 8 year old try to "put you down" with terms like poopyhead and shut your face). The hurtful slangs are thrown not only to mom (the evil one he hates the most) but to dad (when he sides with mom the evil witch) and to his brothers. Our nanny is also the target of nasty jabs. We have pretty thick walls but you can hear him from down the road. It is only a matter of time for DCF to come strolling up the driveway.....

Hitting/Kicking:

Another favorite of mine that is "all the rage" is hitting and kicking. My RAD LOVES to kick me and his Nanny. He smiles and grins when he makes contact with flesh. Again these are moments that you wouldn't expect. Regulated RAD to full blown insane asylum child within 2 seconds. Aggression and hitting towards his younger brother is also increasing. The need to keep our little one safe is a big deal. Not that we ever let our RAD out of an adult line of vision more than 5 feet but he still manages to get a jab in.

Fleeing/Hiding:

I am trying my hardest to take Christine Moer's advice on "have a pizza when he decides to run away" but it is hard! So far he has not left the house but he runs from you and lets out this chilling giggle "ha ha". It sounds like an evil villain laugh seriously. He throws on a devilish grin and his eyes are as black (empty) as night. He wants the chase. We don't give it to him. Can anyone guess what happens when they want the chase and you don't give in? If you guessed destruction you are the big winner!

This is not meant to be as informative as some of the other posts. I don't have answers for these things. I have my experiences and continue to learn daily just how to survive another day of abuse. At times I wonder if I am a victim of PTSD. Then I laugh. I don't have time to have PTSD I mean seriously!

Find a way to give each other a break from the rage. We don't get to take breaks together because surprisingly no one wants to babysit for us (I am puzzled on that one) so we break away from each other. More important, away from the rage, away from the RAD. If you are like me and respite is not an option, find a way to have a break via your spouse or grab a bottle of wine, a good book and hide in the closet when they go to bed!