This post took me by surprise. I am implementing great techniques without realizing it! Great, I have finally brain washed myself into thinking this therapeutic parenting will work. :)
All kidding aside I was able to use myself as an example and a solution. My RAD depended on me without realizing it. I brought safety and sanity and he still does not know we connected.
My RAd has an anger problem. Most of yours do too I am sure. His brother, being a 5 year old, irritated him to the point of a serious melt down. I mean call the circus style meltdown. It took a long time to get the calm family kid back. Once he started to regulate, mind you he was not all the way there, I tried to talk to him. He sprawled on the couch and we talked about anger. As I sat next to him the walls went up and his body went stiff. I told him "Hon I am not going to touch you, just wanted to talk to you because I know what it is like to get angry, maybe I can help" (poof-I made myself real and he can identify with me). I told him that I get angry and do silly exercises to make myself feel better. I showed him anger in his body. I made a motion over my stomach and told him my anger started here (circling my tummy) and then it would rise (moved up to my chest) and once it got there my fists would tighten and I could feel my mouth getting ready to say some mean stuff. I asked him to show me how his anger moved in his body. He made the exact same motions as I did, watching my face, my eyes, the entire time. We connected.
I went through a series of funny things I do. I rubbed my ears and chanted "whooo saaa" (go ahead and laugh); I touch the tip of my thumb to each finger tip as fast as I can and try to get my hands moving simultaneously; I count backwards; I make funny faces, I saw a funny word or imagine a funny time in my life.
His solution was a funny word from a cartoon. We said it together and laughed together! He used me to make him feel better (but he didn't know it)
The next day I am standing across the room and see him trying the finger trick. Saw him jump up and down and even caught him "whoo saaing" his ears! That showed me that he used my tricks. He remembered the things "I" taught him and used them to help his anger.
Today he asked me if I had any more tricks because he felt a really bad anger coming up and he was not sure he could fix it. I fell on the floor and began to laugh hysterically. Laughter is contagious. He joined in of course because it is funny! But wait, what is funny? I stopped laughing and he asked me why we were laughing. I said I don't know but are you angry?
He smiled and walked away. Did you hear me? He SMILED and he WALKED away! I made another step (city block backwards may happen but who cares!)
I can do this.
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