Role Playing and My Mistake?

We are all entitled to a mess up right? We are not perfect. There is no model diagram. All the blogs and books I read have their own flair and ways to parent children of RAD. Gotta find what works for you, right? So in this quest and mixed with an awesome display of RADtastic expression I kinda snapped. I big ogre came and took my place. To be perfectly honest I felt better after I did and proud of myself that I have held it together for so long.

In the midst of yet another academy award performance by my RAD I lost it and said some things I don't know if I should have. I still don't know what the outcome is going to be so hold your breath, pray, chant, dance, whatever you think will help me. I will set the stage for you. Another chore, helping family out moment. RADish was asked to help like always and refused. The next question was "Mom can I have....?" (don't remember what he asked for cause it didn't matter much anymore). I remembering telling him no. He began an insane melt full of screaming (not hitting this time), using nasty talk, slinging nasty slurs, the whole nine!

Here is how it went down after he stomped to his room.

Mom: "So we gonna talk about this or just let it fester a bit? Talking always helped me out. I will wait until you are ready and you let me ok?"

Rad: "grunt" "(scream) "you never give me what I want! I have to do your stupid chores and clean my room and it is your job. you are stupid and I hate you and I am not doing it!" (followed by a girly shrill of a scream in my face)

Mom: "Wow lots of big feelings for one chore. I understand. Tell you what, lets role play. We can reverse the roles here. You know how when your older brother does something he is not supposed to and I ask what he would do for punishment if he was a parent?"

Rad: "Whatever"

Mom: "Well lets you and me do role playing, ok? I am the kid and you are the parent. ready?"

Rad: "Ok"

(he is alert now I have him)

Mom: "I wanna go swimming"

Rad: "You have to clean your room"

Mom: "I don't wanna clean my room!"

Rad: "We all have to help the family out. Make your choice to clean your room or do extra chores and not swim"

Mom: "You are mean! you never let me do anything. I am not doing your stupid chores!"

Rad: "Go to your room then and think"

Mom: "I hate you! "

POOF-I said it to my own kid. Gave him his medicine. Wait for it................

Wait for it........................

He looked at me with actual tears in his eyes and asked me why I said that. I told him I was just pretending and we were reversing our roles. He broke down and cried. I asked him how it felt being in my shoes and he said "sad mom really sad!" I told him I understood. I asked who he was sad for and he said himself. I told him I too was sad for him. He then looked at me and said "I am sad for you". I agreed with him and tried to hug him. He stiffened but let me.

I felt awful after the display but I feel like I was able to show him they way he acted and show him my feelings too. Is that too much for a trauma kid? Maybe. I am not a therapist. Hope my therapist doesn't read this and scold me :)

I felt like I didn't have a choice. I felt outside my own body. I had no control once it started. Once it was over things calmed down and the rest of the evening was good. Like I said this could be the calm before the storm but for now I am going to ride with the easy going feel in my house.

I welcome your comments and will keep you posted.