Today I focus on me...or the ever changing me

My blog is all about RAD, working with RAD, living with RAD, venting about RAD, blah, blah, blah. Every day I breathe is devoted to getting my son on the "road to heal." Today I am all about me (at least for this brief moment). I had a little epiphany yesterday. I was feeling really down and out. The realization that I really have not been making much progress was heavy on my mind. Don't get me wrong. I am making progress but for my control freak self, it is not enough. I can admit I have issues too. I am a walking contradiction. Control freak and free spirit. Republican and hippie, LOL. You know what I am getting at.

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I have been reading Beyond Consequences (Part 1) and the first day I picked the book up it said come to our website. I didn't. Didn't have time and didn't want to "like" the author until I had read her. A lot of people in the RAD community talk about these books but I dont give my seal until I have read it. I will read everything suggested mind you, whether I like it or not.

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A little whoa is me and I was on the website http://www.beyondconsequences.com/. Pretty cool stuff. Tools that can help me. (Here I go again, focusing on RAD, come on girl give yourself some "mommy time"). Then I saw it. A seminar designed for moms. Everyday is Mother's Day. A conference for moms! Not about RAD but more based on nurturing yourself while dealing with a trauma kid. I clicked on the link knowing I would not be able to attend but I was curious. Living in North Florida nobody ever has a seminar here. Why not heh? Its online! I can actually attend a seminar and get my cup full without the worry of travel. You can call it fate, divine intervention or answered prayers but it is scheduled for the first week of August. Just before school in my area. Not only did I stumble across a helping tool for me but I didn't miss it. So I encourage you to take a look at the conference link and whether or not you attend (I will be on web cam so we can see each other's faces-almost like meeting in real life:) take the concept to heart and try to set time aside for you mom.

I have reached the point now where I will beg, barter, steal, whatever to get a break. I have let a huge part of ME go in this battle and I have a long journey ahead. I don't want to lose myself and I don't want to become a shell of my former "cool" self. I still want to be that mom that my kids look at and there thoughts are immediately drawn to words like: strong, loving, the boo boo healer, good cook, loves me and gorgeous (ok threw the last one in myself!). I want to continue to be an example for a good mom and a good wife. I want my kids to know that money and items are not important. Family, love, being together, memories. That is important. Lately we have been making not so good memories or rather the good ones are quickly overshadowed by the bad. And lately I have felt alone.

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I had a good friend send me a text last night asking me how I was doing. My first inclination was to dump everything on her but I skimmed over the details. She is a mother with 5 kids, she doesn't need my baggage. (I am still learning how to lighten my baggage) She told me that I was a great mother and that she prays for me. Little did she know I needed to hear that at just that moment.

(for the record she is one of the last friends I have of my "pre-adoption" friends-sad)

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Ok now for some tools to help mom unwind and take her mind to another place. Understand I am never far from my RAD. Don't have a husband at home to help me out (he works all the time) so I have gotten creative on my own!

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At home pedicure. My personal favorite. If you have a female RAD, let her join. Remember this is not therapeutic. This is about you! I have boys. They come watch because they can't figure out how mommy paints without spilling. Don't forget the leg massage with the "tired foot gel".

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Hot tea, a robe, fuzzy slippers and a smell good candle. This is mommy time out. I have done it in the closet before so be brave on location! My tea is usually chamomile (though lacing it with a xanax wouldn't hurt-just kidding!)

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Head massage. Sounds weird but my mom sent me this awful looking whisk thing that is a head massager. It works and feels creepy to my kids so they wont take it :)

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Sunbathe. I know it may not be good for you but for some of us a little Vitamin D perks us up!

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Play some music. Personally, I play the piano when I need some time. (phantom of the opera gets my mad out and alerts the kids that mom is so not playing your game right now--used this trick in high school to calm my teen hormones too) It calms the kids. Music soothes the savage beast! You can flip on the radio too to get the mood better and calm the children. Nothing hard rock (even though that is my favorite) it seems to put my RAD in a head banging hurt your momma mood.

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Make a card for your spouse. This one is silly and sweet. Kids can do their own cards if they like. Be creative, it can be fun! My last card from my RAD had "I hate mommy" on one side and "Mommy thinks I am special" on the other side. We recycle!

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Go for a walk or bike ride. This one is self explanatory. Nature has a way of calming the senses and soothing the mind.

Just some ideas I have tried. Some work, some don't because you have "distractions". Remember moms, let the baggage go, reach out to each other and I hope to see you for the conference!