Our 2nd adoption anniversary

Hard to imagine we are coming up on the 2nd anniversary of adoption! We call it GOTCHA DAY and we normally schedule a little family outing or something out of the ordinary special with the kids. This is an exciting time but also a scary time for our family. Anniversaries are hard. Anniversaries can trigger some big feelings in a trauma kid. We call a lot of them traumaversaries. Funny my good blogger buddy Diane just blogged about this event yesterday.

*

Traumaversaries can sneak up without us even knowing they are coming. This week has been a little different. My RADish has been pretty overly affectionate with each member of the family to include Nanny. However weird it may sound this has the adults on high watch and high alert. Big love feelings are usually quickly followed by serious behavior and sometimes a little a little scary behavior. All is quite for now but we have to be on our toes for the "what if". We try to not allow the "what if" to take over our minds and actions but as most of you are aware trauma can really jump out and grab you and we as a whole are bound by our own experiences. Experience has taught my family (adults especially) to be weary of big love feelings.

*

Therapy with my RADish has been going well although we still have not allowed his world to get too much bigger. He is still living in a small condensed world with little toys, not much in his room, etc. He is still not quite ready for more in his world. Meds are ever changing and I wonder what we are really doing with them. Some of it seems a little off beat to me. We are still therapeutic parents but learn more and more too traditional ways now and then and we are more and more interested in the science of his brain and how to effectively use the science side to help him deal with some of the more significant issues. Mind you we have not began trauma therapy to pull some of the old bad memories out. Our therapist and I have been working solely on attaching and trying to really solidify a bond between RADish and mom and RADish and his family. Having some foundation is crucial when you start talking about trauma therapy. The potential for scary things to come out and seriously large feelings that are hard to cope with is a huge obstacle. I feel we are closer and closer everyday to being able to work with that and start heading the direction of serious healing.

*

I do want to share one thing with you that has been a small ordeal but has seemed to be a big help and done a lot of good with my RADish. His therapist has a trick where she looks in his brain and squishes around inside to see all the stuff he has in his big brain. Sounds goofy but hear me out. She asks him every session if she can peek in his brain. Although he is 8 and it would seem he would call her bluff and tell her she can't see in his brain he has always played along and actually enjoyed it. He has so many small childlike qualities and games and imaginary play that would be suitable for a toddler work with him. You can only push them so far but we try.

----------------------------------------------

The therapist will actually unzip his brain (using noises zzzzziiiiip) and then flip the top flap open (creeeekkk) and start going through his hair and poking around.

She says things like "interesting" "oh that is a strong feeling" "oh I found a good memory" "wow your brain is really growing" "uh oh, I see a small dark spot, that looks like lonely. Want me to get it out?" RADish says "yes" His therapist plucks out the lonely bad spot and sometimes depending on how big the spot is she may grab a hair or two, sometimes if it is a big yuk feeling it hurts a little bit coming out. She quickly grabs it and I have a tissue in my hand. She puts it in the tissue and a quick wad the tissue up. She continues to poke making note of the good things she is seeing and taking out some of the unhappy stuff and things that make it hard for RADish to be a family kid. Sometimes he giggles, sometimes he wants the yuk stuff taken out real quick. But he always plays along. When she feels she has it all done she (cccrrreeeek) folds his flap on his brain down and (zzzziiippp) puts his head back together and he takes the tissue from me, throws it on the floor and stomps on it. Sometimes one stomp but most times he jumps both feet, squish, go away and quickly takes the smashed tissue to the trash.

---------------------------------------------

Once this is done he can focus on other things and almost seems relieved. We missed therapy once a few weeks ago and he was very upset. We missed therapy because he was having some seriously big feelings and raging really really bad. I asked him if he wanted me to look in his brain like his therapist does and he said "yes please!" We did the same routine and he seemed really relieved when we were done. A game so simple with such a powerful meaning!

*

So with the pending traumaversary we have coming the brain trick has really worked wonders this time. We do not discuss what we are going to do or that the time has come for GOTCHA DAY although the kids can feel it. We fly by the seat of our pants and have as much fun as possible. Making good memories help for the "brain check". Since the therapist reads my blog she can pull out specific things that have been wither good or bad the past week. I love having progress!

*

As the traumaversary approaches I also reflect on the past year. Seriously the past year has been one of the hardest years we have ever faced. Financially it has been a disaster. We have really had to get down and dirty and stick together through it. Things are just now starting to look up. With mother nature ruining our farm, the loss of a grandparent, the loss of a job (hooray economy), the battle with our RADish that finally led to his RAD diagnosis in April and the realization that when the chips are down who you can truly depend on. It has been a solid year of serious reflecting on who we surround ourselves with, our faith or lack there of at times and making our family unit as strong as ever. We have overcome a lot this year with a long way to go. My hubbs and I joke and say "must be a God thing. Would have never thought that would work, etc" We try to keep faith strong and show our kids how to be young men and part of a family that works together. With all of that being said, just on the RAD side. The progress has been great. I can hug my son in September, 2010. I couldn't in September, 2009. Though they are not the hugs that are as strong as the other children I can touch him. I can even touch him sometimes and he does not cringe. Progress my friends ... progress.

*

This is what I was meant to do. Parent these children. My greatest sorrow and source of confusion turn out to be my greatest joys and accomplishments. I may not know my lot in life or what job I should be doing, should I change careers, should we be where we are, blah blah blah. None of that matters because I know that my world, my passion, my function is to be their mom and do the best job I can. You know what? I do not toot my own horn often but *toot* *toot* I am proud of myself.

*

So friends as the traumaversaries approach with the pending holidays and the pee if flying and the rages are mounting, try to look back to where you were last year, last month, whatever. Look back to the you before you had your trauma kids. You are different. You are better. Did you save them? or did they save you?