Manipulation, Craziness, Drama, Whiny, Demanding, Mean, Aggressive....

That was/is October. We had a rough month. I posted earlier about traumaversaries but did not elaborate too much. October has been intense for everyone. We have made breakthroughs in therapy, breakthroughs at home all coupled with some serious issues that need resolution.

School has been the beast as of late.

I am frustrated to the nth degree at RAD's school. I am sure someone out there reading this is shaking their head yes. You know when you finally realize that your RAD's teacher is done? She doesn't like him? He has successfully manipulated her? The triangulation king has come to pass? That is where we are. Year 3 friends. Year 3 of trying to educate people and show then he needs a chance and has some education special needs. (mind you I have been fighting since prior to the adoption and long before the acronym RAD entered my brain). I am truly at a loss. I have gone back and forth with other RAD moms on this issue, used some of their ideas (Diana's was awesome). Nothing gives. We have reached the point where "I" am crazy and the school will not listen.

Some of this post is done for purposes of CYA so please forgive me if I give more detail than needed. My RAD is in school number 3. Repeated the 1st grade.

EDUCATION ISSUES:

I am not going to go into too much here because I have already established the fact that he needs a do over in school. Pre-adoption, pre-foster care, I can't help what he did not receive. I can help him moving forward. This school he is in has one job, teach. If he is behind test him. When he fails the test I can get the much revered IEP and *poof* he is off to private christian school with his brothers. He needs to be there. Anything church or God related calms him. My only issue is that because of his special needs his tuition is more than we could ever afford (even on a good farm season). School tested him, in math only and using a test that was below grade average because he is "special" (their words, not mine). So the rub is that we do not get to have an IEP. These are the same people I have fought with for 3 years. It is a countywide thing. School Shrinks (with degrees) that I have to explain what RAD is and why he acts the way he does. That part really gets old after awhile.

BEHAVIOR:

So I get a note that my RAD has received ISS (in school suspension). News flash, that was last week. I did not even know! No one called me, emailed me, sent a carrier pigeon, nothing. We have provisions in place (or I thought we did) with the school. My RAD is violent, has shown what he is capable of before. School has provisions for a reason and for the safety of other people's children! So I do not get a phone call about this (I got that teacher on the phone the minute I found out). I was fuming mad. I had no idea why he was placed in ISS. No wonder we had a melt extravaganza last weekend! It was not just Halloween!

BOYS WILL BE BOYS AT P.E.:

So bullies have not been a problem. P.E. however is. Boys will be boys. My RAD will not stop once he reaches that level of stimulation. I can't control it at school and feel helpless. Last week he was kicked in the face, bloody nose and lips, the whole nine. Again, No ONE CALLED. I did not know until my Nanny picked him up from school. This could have been catastrophic. Apparently they (random children) were playing wrestling smackdown at P.E. and no one was watching them. These children were using MMA moves on each other kicking, etc. Awesome right? Sure kid slap my kid around. He will get you back but it will be when you least expect it! CRAP. I am going to be that mom on the Discovery Channel if I don't get him out of there. He has no impulse control and once he is aroused it is all over.

IS MY CHILD SAFE?

So you go to the school to check your child out early for a doc appt. Easy enough right? Your child, you have your ID, you filled out all he paperwork, you check in on the little computer thing......No child listed. Curious. Maybe I typed his name wrong? You ask the clerk. She bites your head off and treats you like you are stupid and don't know how to use a computer. You explain that the child is not listed. She comes to the computer...you look at her "you don't know how to use a computer?" He is not in the system! Panic mode! Not only is he not in the system, they have not file on him. He has been attending this school since August. You had special meetings with the administration to ensure safety. You have a safety plan in place for meltdowns and psych breaks! Nothing is there. Panic, revamp the system on it is fixed. Problem solved, right?

Next time. You go again to pick up your child. He is in the system but no one is authorized to pick him up! The nanny calls you from the school steaming mad because she is "not authorized" to have the child. All the paperwork was done, we have been through this before. Same panic, same evil people telling my nanny she is an idiot. One rational person finally steps in and saves the day. Problem solved, right?

Next time Nanny goes to check out RAD for a doc appt, same thing. Over and over and over ad nausuem!

On the ramp for car riders. My RAD is quiet and withdrawn. No one is around him, no teacher, nothing. He stands on a ramp while cars pull up and kids load in. He could be taken or get into a strange car and no one would know. They don't see him. Don't care.

So there it is my I hate school vent. I can't home school. I have to have a full time job. So what do I do? Every time I make some noise it gets worse for my son or they start sending him to the nurse. I was getting calls 2-3 times a week to pick him up. FOR NOTHING! He was not sick. I need help. What is all of this teaching him? I work so hard at home to set a good foundation and boundaries, structure, all the things HE needs. They are broken down the minute he walks out the door.