I have to throw out a bit of a public service announcement before you read this.
**Please don't try this at home unless you have adequate bandages, another adult who can drive you to an emergency room, video cameras and possible adequate witnesses**
All joking aside I take my job as mom very seriously. I have had to at times be more like a prison guard and safety patrol but I guess the terms are all synonymous with mom. A rather nice violent rage took place a few days ago and of course it comes at the time of day I am tired. Tired of work. Tired of kids. Tired of life. (You know the feeling)
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My RAD ran to his room, slamming doors, kicking, screaming and generally flipping out. I did my normal routine to try and check up on him and was met with some nasty names and threats. I knew in the back of my head he was feeling powerful about saying things like that and not having a consequence. He is choosing mind you. I have just about had my belly full with him choosing to be nasty and thinking he is getting away with it "because his brain is messed up". It makes my other children insane and adds to the overall feeling of regret that he is in the family.
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Keeping a very close distance I began taking his voice. Taking his power from him. It lasted about 3 minutes and my husband was outside listening (I didn't know) to the ordeal.
Mom: You hate me. You want me dead. You
want to hurt me. You want to never have to see mommy. Mommy makes
you do chores. She must die. You want to cut me. You hate
me. You hate mommy. You want mommy dead.***RAD: His first responses were no, shut up, I hate you.
As I kept going he stopped. Why say those things because you think you can
get away with them. They are not as "bad" when mom is saying them for
you. (remember in his head he is bad-he FEELS bad-he is shame, he FEELS
shame...he will show you just how bad and shameful he can be)***Mom: Pretty intense stuff huh kid? Wanna something
more intense? You want to do all those things to me and I am still
here. I will always be here. I wont leave.
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Utter silence.
I told him to think. What kind of person would be put through all that bad stuff, all those mean things said, all that pain and still want to be near you?
As I closed the door on my way out.......ME, your mom.
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It was intense for both of us and I felt exhausted when I was done. During these interludes I make no eye contact, I keep my head down and I pace at reasonable distance with my hands in my pocket. I give every indicator that my body language is non-threatening. I am ready if he charges mind you but I stay calm. I slump a little and keep my voice calm and soothing. It may not work for everyone but it gets the point across for me, for now.
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