My walk with RAD: I am the one dissociating....think on that a bit

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I am the one dissociating....think on that a bit

I have been asked "how" "dude, you stay calm?" "why can't I stay calm and collected?" "are you medicated?". The answer is yes I stay calm, no I am not a robot and no drugs here. I am a walking, talking, normal (stop laughing) mom and sober (ok the glass of wine every now and again doesn't count).

So, wanna know my secret? Wanna know how I take one seriously violent demon possessed acting child and I RARELY (not going to say never because I am not perfect) yell or loose my cool?........

wait for it........

I am a master of dissociation. In fact I am so good I have my kid beat about 110 fold. Good for me right? I get through it, I cope I have this down pat. Not quite. By dissociating I am blocking myself off. I don't feel. This has very little to do with my child and more to do with my childhood. My RADs, the one I blog about nonstop, in particular. HE IS MY trigger. MY TRIGGER! I scour the scene looking for his triggers and about broke my neck when I tripped over my own.

Dissociation: Numbs the body to eliminate distress.

How many of you moms do the same? I gather we don't have much choice. Sadly, this is a coping mechanism, a safety measure and honestly, one I don't think I could parent my kids without.

1 comment:

Momma Too ManyJanuary 28, 2011 at 12:38 PM
It's the only way I get through the day. Sadly it doesn't seem to be getting me any closer to their attachment. How can I ask them to attach to me if I am seperate(mentally closed off) from them in their most stressful time? It haunts me.
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My Suggested Reads/Websites

When Love is Not Enough Nancy Thomas (this was my first book and the best place to start if you are confused)

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Nancy Thomas' website http://www.attachment.org/ is a great place to start reading

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Foster W. Cline's Love and Logic series

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http://www.radkid.org/

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Daniel Hughes http://www.danielhughes.org/ has a great series on building attachment

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After searching the net looking for people like me and trying to understand what to do, I found an angel. Yup, an angel with a nose ring, dreadlocks and a great sense of humor! She is not a therapist but man she should have been! Need a pick me up or a boost or a good laugh? Check out Christine Moers (http://www.welcometomybrain.net/) and also her youtube site (linked on her name). She is one special person and I truly believe she saved me.

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Letter to your child's teacher. This is important so please read and print this for your RAD's school. every little bit helps!

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Need some Humor in your diet?! Log on to The Little Prince and check out RAD Humor. Parents of trauma kids are a breed apart! They have a discussion board that I am active in and a chat room!

The Players

Ok it is about time I tell you who the players are in the house. Things are getting confusing!

Mom-That's me. Brandy. I am a happy mom of 3 children. Love my life, even on bad days. Dangerously in love with my husband of 7 years. We have 3 kids, 3 dogs, 1 parrot and a lot of stories to tell. I am a criminal defense paralegal by day and full time mom. Although my kids are sports oriented I am not a soccer mom-no disrespect to those of you who are-I tried driving the minivan for about 45 days. Had to sell it. I just could not do it!

Hubbs-That's Dad. He is my wonderful husband, partner and best friend. We married 7 years ago after he "went on a date and never went home" He is a third generation farmer (yea there is a country song for that), our first real date was hauling and processing cattle POO and all and yes he wears wranglers, a large belt buckle and a cowboy hat (most of the time). He is an insanely good father.

AngelFish-This is our oldest, 11, almost 12 years old. He is our only bio-kid from my first marriage. He is one of the best kids you will ever meet. Great manners, straight As, helpful, respectful and loves being a big brother. He was in step with us the entire way through adoption. He was a part of every process and makes me more proud everyday. He is a wonderful musician and my miracle baby. I doubt a day has gone by I do not thank God for him. He has been one awesome example and a great help transitioning his brothers into family life.

Cat-This is our RAD and the reason I created this blog. He is 8 years old and was adopted at 6. Diagnosed April 1, 2010 (april fools day-funny huh?) He is the violent side of RAD and this little boy has been through more in his first 6 years than most people their entire lives. He is my biggest challenge to date and I love him.

Puppy-The youngest of the bunch. He is 6 now and was adopted at age 4. He is a cutie pie and he knows it. He is a rough and tough football player and loves to snuggle. He is by far the toughest kid I have ever seen. Lands on his head, laughs and gets up. I don't know if we are going to be buying stock in the ER with this kid. No fear I tell ya! He is not diagnosed RAD but he has a lot of RAD traits. We are working on that and hope to know what the deal is soon. He is truly a puppy.

My walk with RAD

FaceBook Group designed to discuss RAD issues and share tips!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I am the one dissociating....think on that a bit

1 comment:

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