Dining with the Enemy?

Maybe this is not the right name for this post but it fit in my mind. I have struggled with writing this and struggled more with posting it. I doubt this blog will sit well. For those that know me, you know that I MUST write this down.

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I don't think for a minute that things happen just because. I believe deep down that things, events, meeting people, etc happen for a reason. You may not have a grasp at the time as to why something happened or you met a certain person but the true meaning will reveal itself later. This very thing happened to me in Orlando. It happened to us.

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Late the second night a large group sat outside sharing and encouraging by the hot tub. Drinks were flying, tears on the verge, insane laughter rolled. A young man was trying to walk past our backyard and he said out loud, "hey I don't want to frighten you just walking by". We giggled like school girls and I think comments about being intimidated by the level of estrogen in one place were made. He laughed and continued walking. Before he made it to the end of our yard he stopped and said, "I don't mean to be rude but I accidentally did overhear one of you giving advice to another. She is right. Confidence is sexy. Every woman has something about her that she can portray that gives her a sensual part her husband or mate finds attractive." Pretty insightful for a young man. We thanked him and asked what he was doing here lurking behind the bushes of back yards. He was celebrating life. His adoptive father had passed years earlier and the family had made it to a place of comfort that they could celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. INTENSE. HE used terms only someone in the system or familiar with adoption would use, bio mom, bio dad, TPR, relative placement, secure female attachment... My head was spinning. HE was adopted. HE was what I had been looking for. HE had answers. HE could help. No matter how wrong it was or who I hurt at that very moment I could not stop myself.

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I sincerely hope reading this you understand that I. could. not. stop.

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He was the grown up version of my children (sometimes my enemy). Talking with him was like spying on the enemy. Inside knowledge. I did not think I acted. I (yep that would be me, all by myself, alone!) invited him to chat. Several others welcomed the opportunity to chat. This young man was grilled until we all almost fell asleep. He barely had time to respond before someone hit him with another question. I tortured him. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted hope. I wanted answers!

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Funny thing is...he wanted answers from us. I wont go into great detail because I do not want to blast his story without permission but I will tell you that he wanted validation from us (the adoptive mom) as much as we wanted it from him (the adoptive son). He had attachment issues no doubt. His relationships were awful. He to this day has never had a secure attachment to any female. He never fully attached to his adoptive mom. He would not allow himself. She continued to try and he continued to retreat into himself.

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He said that attachment issues like what we are fighting (the moms that were in the chat) were not discussed or addressed. He said his mom really didn't know. He kept pushing. She kept trying. He encouraged us to NEVER give up. He left our company feeling better about his mom. I have no doubt he finally gave her the validation she has needed for so many years.

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My take away was hope. It may be years before I get what I need and know that I made a difference but it will come. One way or another, it will come. I will keep trying. I saw a young man that was functioning despite his troublesome early years. He struggled but he was on his feet making his path. Making good choices.

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Hope. A 4 letter word that I came looking for and left imprinted with.

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I was selfish. I don't get that opportunity very often. I am sorry if I offended you. I took knowledge. I walked away knowing my day will come...